if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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