I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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