My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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