I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize