if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Randomize
