maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
