If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
