Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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