Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
