We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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