no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
