He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize