How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
