I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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