totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
