There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
