Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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