Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
