Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
