Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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