I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
