she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
