so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
