I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
