He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
