i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Randomize
