Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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