Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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