if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
