Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
