At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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