he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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