fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
