he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize