Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How does one acquire holy water?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
