we're blogging at a bar
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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