I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
