You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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