Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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