my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
