she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
