Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
