I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
