We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize