I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
