big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
