Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I need to calm my uterus...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
