i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think your dad took our porno
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
