is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
