She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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