you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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