i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Text me some of your sweat
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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