i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
