So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We named our party play list daddy issues
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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