You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
