I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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