you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
