can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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