i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
