Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
