The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
