I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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