Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm going to jail i love you
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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