What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You don't make any sense
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