I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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