I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
