I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
