ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Someone shattered a urinal.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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