and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
