One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
